The Freedom of Forgiveness

The Rev. Canon Dr. Brett Cane,September 11, 2011

 

13^th Sunday after Pentecost; 8:30 and 10:00 a.m., Holy Communion

 

“The Freedom of Forgiveness”

Matthew 18: 21-35

 

Opening Prayer:

Lord Jesus, you have taught us to ask for forgiveness as we forgive others who sin against us; speak to us now, by your Holy Spirit, that we may know the freedom that comes from extending to others the same grace we have received from our Father in Heaven.  Amen.

 

Introduction

 

Today is the 10^th anniversary of the events of 9/11 and we with all our society are in the midst of reflection on the impact of the tragic events of that day and what it has led to.  For example, I learned that Matt Redman, the Christian worship leader and songwriter wrote “Blessed Be Your Name” as a response to the question that arose for him at the time, “What could we sing to God at a time like this?” He goes on, “It was as if our worship songs were missing some important vocabulary—the language of tragedy and struggle, of the valley at the bottom of the mountain.”[1]

 

For us, as Christians, this anniversary should raise the issue of our attitudes towards those who sin against us and the place of forgiveness in all of this.  So this morning, I am going to revisit the gospel we heard last week on the parable of the unmerciful servant.  I am going to look first, at what it says to us as individuals in our need to forgive those who offend us personally and then at the wider impact of Christ’s teaching as it applies to offences against the community.     

 

The Nature of Forgiveness

 

Our Gospel passage begins with Peter asking Jesus the question, “Lord, how many times shall l forgive someone who sins against me?  Up to seven times?” (Matthew 18:21).  Jesus’ response, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times” (verse 22) and the his story of the unmerciful servant which follows shows that Peter was confused over the nature of forgiveness (and grace) and I suspect that is true for many of us as well.  So we will begin by looking at the nature of forgiveness, what it is not and what it is.[2]

 

1. What forgiveness is not:

• Excusing behaviour: forgiveness is not excusing someone’s behaviour.  Excusing means that you couldn’t help doing something or didn’t mean it; in other words, you are not really to blame.  If no one was really to blame, then there is nothing to forgive!  The problem comes when there is a mixture of unavoidable actions and deliberate wrongdoing.  We might focus on the unavoidable part, “forgiving” that, but never really deal with the deliberate part, thus deceiving ourselves that we have forgiven the other.
• Ignoring behaviour: forgiveness is not ignoring someone’s behaviour, acting as if it never happened.  That would not be dealing with the offence nor taking it seriously.  Ignoring deceives ourselves into believing the offence didn’t matter, that it had no effect.  This is a cover-up, disregarding the underlying hurt and breakdown in relationship.
• Earned: forgiveness is not earned, either through repentance or restitution, receiving compensation for the damage caused.  From this perspective, we only forgive if the person is sorry.  Now, repentance and restitution are important and necessary responses to the offer of forgiveness, but they are responses.  Forgiveness is free and unmerited, a complete gift of love.  Repentance doesn’t earn forgiveness.  It is rather like standing in the sunlight with my eyes closed and then opening them.  The light has always been there, it was just that my closed eyes prevented my seeing it and benefiting from it.  Repentance is an opening up to the forgiveness already offered.  The prodigal son returned home to find his father’s arms already outstretched (Luke 5:11-32).  The extortioning tax-collector Zacchaeus offered half his money to the poor and repayment to those he had cheated after Jesus had come to his house (Luke 19:1-10).  We forgive because we want to, not because the other person has earned it or caused us to offer it.
• Instantaneous: forgiveness is not necessarily instantaneous.  It may involve a process of gradual discovery of the roots of the problem.  There may be layers and different levels of offence and so the process of forgiveness may take time as each layer is uncovered and dealt with separately. 
• Reconciliation: forgiveness is not necessarily reconciliation.  It is not “forgive and forget,” aiming at restoring things exactly the way they were before the offence.  Becoming closely involved with the person you are forgiving may not be wise or possible, as in situations of abuse.  Forgiveness is not primarily about forgetting, it is primarily about releasing.  To this we shall now turn as we look at what forgiveness is.

 

2. What forgiveness is:

• Releasing the hurt: forgiveness begins with releasing the hurt that you have experienced.  This means that first, you get in touch with what needs to be forgiven.  It means realising the behaviour was inexcusable, a deliberate wrong against you.  We Christians often find this difficult because we mistakenly believe we are not supposed to be angry and so we cover over the simmering resentment underneath.  Admitting others have sinned against you is the first step in being able to forgive them.  Secondly, releasing the hurt means we need to let God know how we feel.  Tell him how angry you are, even expressing your disappointment with him for any perceived lack of intervention or support on his part.  Denial of anger and hurt will prevent you from getting in touch with what really exists within you and between you and the other person and God.  Only when you acknowledge this will you be able to move ahead into forgiveness.  Once you have acknowledged the hurt, then ask Jesus to take it from you, that he might enter with you into the pain and bear it in his own body on the cross.  Many have found that picturing yourself offering to the crucified Christ the pain and hurt has brought great healing as he has dealt with it in a wonderfully decisive way.
• Releasing the other person: forgiveness is then releasing the other person.  You release them from personal judgement for what they did – let God be the judge; he is the only one who has the right to exact punishment.  You release them from your expectations of what he or she should have been.  You release them by giving up your harsh and destructive feelings towards them, your desire to get even, to be paid back.  “Harsh feelings are too often cherished on the grounds of personal right and privilege to be angry with those who deserve it.”[3]  Give up those rights to Jesus.
• An act of the will: in all of this, forgiveness is an act of the will, not necessarily of the emotions.  Emotional release is important, but we cannot rely on it as a criterion for whether or not we forgive.  We make the move toward change – the change is with us and our attitudes, not the other person’s. 

 

The Cost of Forgiveness

 

What I have just said is evidence that there is a cost to pay on our part when we forgive.  What’s more, Jesus calls us to pay these costs again and again.  When Peter asking Jesus the question, “How often do I have to forgive my brother when he sins against me?  Up to seven times?” (Matthew18:21), Peter thought he was being pretty generous; after all, the Rabbis of the time said that you should forgive up to three times and then stop!  Jesus’ reply, “Not seven times, but seventy-seven times” (verse 22) shows that there is no limit – we are to keep on forgiving.  This means a continual process of acknowledging the hurt, releasing the offender, and extending love.  This is not easy and we need the power of the Holy Spirit to help us.

 

But we have something with which to compare our costs. In the parable, the unforgiving servant had no way of paying off the millions he owed.  The king gave up his right to exact payment and let the indebted one go free.  So with us; we owe a debt we can not pay – God has paid the debt he did not owe.  He did this at great cost to himself; he came amongst us as Jesus and then paid for our rebellion against himself on the cross.  When we realize the cost that Jesus has paid for us, the cost of forgiving others their offences against us seems minuscule.  It is the difference between millions of dollars and ten loonies.  In this way we are to count the cost of what it means to forgive.  

 

The Cost of Unforgiveness

 

But we also need to count the cost of not forgiving.  There are distinct consequences.  In the parable, when the wicked servant refused to extend to another the forgiveness of debt that was given to him, he was thrust into jail.  In what ways will we be imprisoned if we do not forgive?

 

1. First, we become consumed with getting even.  The object of hate becomes our focus, affecting every other facet of life, clouding our vision and preventing us from seeing things clearly

 

1. Secondly, we become choked with bitterness.  The anger we feel towards the offending individual may be transferred onto others who remind us of him or her.  If the original object of our hate was a person in authority then we may resent others in authority; if we have been hurt by a person of one gender, our anger may be generalized and overflow to others of the same gender.  Our anger may be so overpowering, that whenever we face any irritating situation, the force of the deeper bitterness will thrust its way to the surface and magnify our response beyond all proportion.

 

1. Thirdly, we can become conformed to the object of our unforgiveness.  Steve Finn says, “We tend to become just like the one we resent.  What we cannot forgive we are doomed one day to live.”^[4]  When we do not forgive, we try to put the offender as far away from our hearts as possible, but what really happens is that we become emotionally bonded to them in a negative way.  We then begin to reflect all their negative characteristics because, subconsciously, that is what our energies are focused upon.  For example, in a family with an alcoholic or abusive mother or father, a child may grow up vowing in anger and hurt never to touch a drop or raise a fist like the parent.  However, on becoming an adult, even though not an alcoholic or abuser, people close to the person will remark in frustration, “You’re just like your mother/father!” to the horror of the individual.  The behaviour may be different but the attitudes the same.  Lack of forgiveness has a cost.

 

The Key to Forgiving Others

 

We conclude our look at personal forgiveness by looking at the key to forgiving others.  In the parable of the wicked servant, do you know why he went out and tried to get a mere ten dollars from someone indebted to him?  It was because he felt he had only been given a reprieve until he could get enough money to repay his debt of millions of dollars – an impossibility.  The wicked servant thought it was too good to be true.  He felt he still had to earn his forgiveness, so he went out to try and raise enough to pay back the debt.  He could not forgive because he had not accepted the forgiveness he had been offered. 

The key to forgiving others is to receive forgiveness yourself.  When you know the freedom Christ has won for you on the cross, then you will want to pass that freedom on to others.  If you don’t, then you will forfeit that freedom and remain a prisoner to your attempts to exact what you feel is your due.  Christ offers us freedom.  Will you receive it? 

 

Forgiving Those Who Sin Against the Community

 

We will conclude by looking at how all of this can apply to forgiveness of those who sin against the community.  I feel that one of the great tragedies of 9/11 has been our unchristian response and its consequences – but we may still rectify this.  I will mention four ways forward.  The first is prayer.  How much have we prayed for those who have offended against us?  Jesus taught us, “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” (Matthew5:44).  Have we done that?  Did we pray for Osama Bin Laden – for his repentance and salvation – or did we rejoice at his death?  Scripture tells us: “I take no pleasure in the death of anyone, declares the Sovereign LORD. Repent and live!” (Ezekiel 18:32).  There was once another religious fundamentalist who persecuted and assented to the murder of a Christian – in the first century: Paul of Tarsus.  Do not underestimate the power of God to change people’s hearts.  It is also hard to hate those for whom you pray.

 

For the remaining ways forward, I am going to quote extensively from some powerful comments made by prominent American Christian leaders in the current issue of “Christianity Today” where they reflect on the 10^th anniversary of 9/11.[5]  Philip Yancey, Christian author,[6] speaks about extending grace and not demonizing a whole group of people:

As Christians, we believe in a counterforce of grace…In 1999, Australian missionary Graham Stuart Staines (along with two of his sons) was burned to death by a Hindu mob inOrissa,India. In 2007, German missionary Tillman Geske (along with two others) was tortured and murdered by five Turkish fanatics.  The widows of both men made sensational headlines in those countries by repeating the words of Jesus: “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”  I am not a pacifist; I believe that we must pursue justice. Yet a Christian history stained by anti-Semitism—holding an entire people responsible for the actions of a few—teaches us the terrible consequences of not following Jesus’ way. We dare not do to Muslims what we have, to our shame, done to Jews.

 

My final quote is from Will Willimon,[7] Presiding bishop of the North Alabama Conference of the United Methodist Church, who calls us to focus on the cross – and this applies to all of us whether American or not:

On 9/11 I thought, For the most powerful, militarized nation in the world also to think of itself as an innocent victim is deadly. It was a rare prophetic moment for me, considering Presidents Bush and Obama have spent billions asking the military to rectify the crime of a small band of lawless individuals, destroying a couple of nations who had little to do with it, in the costliest, longest series of wars in the history of the United States. The silence of most Christians and the giddy enthusiasm of a few, as well as the ubiquity of flags and patriotic extravaganzas in allegedly evangelical churches, says to me that American Christians may look back upon our response to 9/11 as our greatest Christological defeat. It was shattering to admit that we had lost the theological means to distinguish between theUnited States and thekingdom ofGod. The criminals who perpetrated 9/11 and the flag-waving boosters of our almost exclusively martial response were of one mind: that the nonviolent way of Jesus is stupid. All of us preachers share the shame; when our people felt very vulnerable, they reached for the flag, not the Cross.  September 11 has changed me. I’m going to preach as never before about Christ crucified as the answer to the question of what’s wrong with the world. I have also resolved to relentlessly reiterate from the pulpit that the worst day in history was not a Tuesday inNew York, but a Friday inJerusalem when a consortium of clergy and politicians colluded to run the world on our own terms by crucifying God’s own Son.

The cross is where we will find the freedom of forgiveness as individuals and as nations.