Doubt: Friend or foe?

The Rev. Deacon Linda Stokes

8:30 a.m. Holy Communion and 10:00 a.m., Litany & Holy Communion

Doubt: Friend or Foe?

John 20: 19-31

Opening prayer

Let us pray, Lord Jesus You call us to believe in you, to believe in your resurrection and all the meaning that that event has for our lives today.  Help us to live loved lives standing in the light of your cross.  We yearn for a deeper relationship with you.  Come Lord Jesus come, bring your presence, your peace and your words into our hearts.  Amen

Introduction

Some years back I took the students from our school to see the The Passion.  As we left the theater, one of the boys wondered, “Why is it that Jesus’ wounds were not healed like the rest of his body?”  I love the questions kids come up with because it tells me that they are on the threshold to a deeper understanding.  It was not that he doubted the resurrection, but that he wondered about the meaning of Jesus’ unhealed scars.  In today’s gospel Jesus uses his scars, as a sign to dispel unbelief and shatter doubt.  There is however a deeper message in Jesus’ actions, a message which Wayne Jacobsen writes about in his book He Loves Me! Learning to Live in the Father’s Affection. Many of us have read this book over lent, and I would highly recommend it.  Jacobsen urges us to live ‘loved’ lives, to be so accustomed to being loved by God that doubt just fades away.  Let us take a closer look at how doubt works for the good in Thomas’ life.

We all know Thomas as ‘Doubting Thomas’, an adjective, which does not tell the whole story.  Thomas’ relationship with Jesus is recorded in three biblical verses: Matt 10:3, John 11:16 and John 20:24-29.  In these verses Thomas, called the twin was chosen by Jesus to be His apostle.  In accepting this new relationship with Christ, he began a journey, which nurtured his faith and his belief.  As he travelled with Jesus and witnessed his power, his heart became inflamed with love.  So much so that he was willing to die with Jesus. But his faith journey did not mean that he would not be challenged and so, when Jesus’ death became a reality and his hope in a Messiah was crushed, his belief slid back into doubt and his words of loyalty were forgotten.  One can only wonder what kind of emotions doubt, confusion and fear dragged into his mind.  If you have ever experienced the untimely death of a close friend then you know how Thomas must have felt.  But sadness isn’t the only emotion Thomas felt.  Having missed seeing Jesus first appearance Thomas could have felt left out, even jealous.

Think for a minute how would you feel if the Sunday service you missed had a supernatural visitation of Christ himself.  Later, you meet up with your parish friends and they are all excited about meeting Jesus and you are left dumb founded, kicking yourself for not being there.  You share your doubt, which is met with further distancing.  Everyone seems to believe in a new way and somehow you are no longer in sync with the group.  Your belief is challenged and your mind is full of all kinds of questions.  Now fast forward to the next service, Jesus appears for the second time.  He goes directly to you and speaks words that are only known to you. You are instantly catapulted from a place of doubt and isolation to a place of belief and acceptance. You are overcome with emotion and speak from the depths of your being “My Lord and my God”.  Now let me ask you this, if this actually happened to you.  What would happen to your belief in the living Christ?

In Thomas’ case, I bet that his belief sky-rocketed beyond what he thought was possible. It was nothing less than an epiphany.  When Jesus repeated Thomas’ own words back to him, when he was invited to touch Jesus’ scars, Thomas experienced a more integrated heart conversion.  He not only believed in his mind but he also believed in his heart. In his personal declaration one can sense the revelation: all doubt fades away, his old passionate loyalty is renewed and his calling to follow Christ is reenergized.  To the degree that his belief was eroded by doubt, a new more profound belief expands to fill the void.  So doubt, can act like a catalyst to a deeper belief when it is overcome.   On the other hand doubt, which continues to erode belief can act like another stumbling block, between the unbeliever and Christ.

So, doubt can be a friend in disguise flushing out our questions.  Today, we might wonder…“Does God really love me?”  “Does He really care?”  “Does He know the pain and confusion in my heart?” The answer we hear to these questions determines how we live our lives as Christians.  The best example of this ‘living loved’ behavior is in our basement.  I am talking about our Sunday School. Toddlers live absolute loved lives, without any doubt.  They hear their parent’s words of acceptance and trust them completely.  In this environment, they develop a confident positive loved-identity.  They are living examples of what it means to live ‘loved’ lives. However, if our childhood experience of love is diminished in any way, then doubt can play a negative role.  As a twin, Thomas was probably compared to, often in conflict with and likely forced to share a lot with his twin, perhaps this background instilled a habit of doubt & distrust.

I am sure that a lot of us can relate to Thomas’ attitude.  We all have had points in our life when we have doubted ourselves, others and even God.  We all have habits, which undermine our ability to live ‘loved’ lives.  The good news is that God is much bigger than our doubts, his love just keeps on loving, despite our failures.  His love can break through our negative habits, the ones, which build a secret wall of defense against His love.

Pastor Brett in his sermon on Vulnerability said,that “the temptation to doubt God’s love is rooted in our souls.” I pray that as we ponder the meaning of Christ’s scars, knowing the depth of his love that we will grasp the underlying meaning of his crucifixion. Jacobsen confirms this meaning as rooted in love when he says:  The doorway into the Father’s love begins at the cross.  Seeing what Father and Son accomplished together in that climactic moment defines love in a way that you can experience only in him.  This is the love that will allow you to feel perfectly safe in the Father’s presence.  It frees you to be exactly who you are, weaknesses and all, and never again will you have to pretend before him.”[1]

God wants to speak a personal word into your heart today.  He wants you to know that he hears every doubt and every question.  His words can turn your doubt into a personal epiphany, if you let them.  I would now invite you to view a video of the father’s love.  Then we will have a moment of silence.

http://www.fathersloveletter.com/video.html