“Looking Like the One You Love”
1 Corinthians 13:1-8a; Luke 9:28-36
Opening Prayer:
Lord Jesus, thank you for being the Father’s love to us; help us now, by your Holy Spirit, to see how we can look like you and show the love of God to others that they, too, may receive that love and the world become the place you designed it to be – full of love. Amen.
Introduction
Well, this is Saint Valentine’s Day and the time of year when there is a lot of talk about love. People send cards and gifts of chocolate to people they love and care for. So today we are going to talk about love. We will start with what it means to love others. Then we will look at how to love and its connection with the curious fact that we often end up looking like the one you love. Finally we will talk about loving Jesus and looking like him.
What is Love?
It’s not as easy as you think to say what love is. We all want to be loved and to love others, but when we try to explain what it is, we discover it’s not so simple! But there is a passage in the Bible which speaks about love which we heard read earlier. It is very beautiful and describes what love is in a very helpful way – which is why it is used at many weddings. It comes from a letter the apostle Paul wrote to his Christian friends in Corinth. These Christians were quite impressive – they were performing miracles and receiving exciting messages from God – but they had major problems in the love department: they were treating one another badly. There were divisions in the church – different groups thought they were better than others; poorer people were looked down upon by the wealthier; people were impressed more by how religious a person looked rather than what was in their hearts. People were showing-off rather than showing love.
So right in the middle of talking about spiritual gifts – special abilities and powers from God to do exciting things for him – Paul stops and speaks about love. After listing all the impressive things people could do – prophesying and moving mountains, giving everything away and even dying for the faith – he says that “If I have not love, I gain nothing” (1 Corinthians 13:3). He then tells us what love is all about:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. (verses 4-8)
When I read this, I see how far short I fall of this ideal. I am often impatient with people when they don’t get things right away or take their time doing things. I can be kind to those who are kind to me but I am can be very mean-spirited when dealing with people who don’t do things for me. Sometimes I get jealous when people do better than me (especially if I am playing cards or broad games and others are winning!) In terms of boasting, I don’t like to make a show but I certainly want folk to know how well I have done! I do take offence easily when someone says something bad about me and often I can’t get out of my mind the negative things others have done to me. I know I shouldn’t be happy when others who have hurt me foul things up but sometimes I do. When Paul says love always protects, trusts, hopes and perseveres he means that love can put up with anything and stands firm no matter what – but I set limits on my love. Finally – if love never fails – do I give up on people sometimes?
But having said all that, this is how I would like people to love me – in-spite-of what I do. It is not conditional love (the “if” kind of love): “I will love you if you do this for me”, “I will love you if you get this for me.” Nor is it self-serving love (the “because” kind of love): “I love you because you make me feel good, etc.” This still is not love for who the person is, but for what they can give you. Real love is the “in-spite-of” kind of love: “I love you in spite of your bad temper,” “I love you in spite of your weird tastes,” “I love you in spite of the insult you gave me this morning.” This is the kind of love outlined by Paul in 1 Corinthians 13. Someone has summed it up in this way: “Love is seeking the other person’s greatest good.” This is what love is all about.
How to Love
Well, this is great, you say, but how can we – how can I – love this way? When we substitute our own names for love in 1 Corinthians 13, it doesn’t work: “I am patient, I am kind. I do not envy, I do not boast, I am not proud. I am not rude, I am not self-seeking, I am not easily angered, I keep no record of wrongs. I do not delight in evil but rejoice with the truth. I always protect, always trust, always hope, always persevere…”
But the Bible tells us that there is One who is love. “God is love.” (1 John 4:16). Try reading the passage with His name: “God is patient, God is kind. God does not envy, God does not boast, God is not proud. God is not rude, God is not self-seeking, God is not easily angered…” and so on. This is the kind of love God has demonstrated to us by coming as Jesus. “This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son to die for our sins” (1 John 4:9-10). When we look at the cross we remember that fact that God loved us to the death. His love really is that great. He loved us in spite of what we did to him.
But how can this help us love? This is where “looking like the one you love” comes in. How many of us have looked at an older couple and thought how much each looks like the other? Well, studies[1] have been done which show that couples who live with each other for 25 years actually develop similar facial features. The researchers looked at various reasons why this might be so such as diet, environment and predisposition but concluded that the most likely reason was empathy – understanding and care for each other. In other words, you can begin to look like the one you love.
Now, I have known this is true in reverse – when you dislike someone, you begin to reflect – not necessarily physically, but emotionally – the negative characteristics of the person you hate. It has been said “We tend to become just like the one we resent. What we cannot forgive we are doomed one day to live.”[2] When we do not forgive, we try to put the offender as far away from our hearts as possible, but what really happens is that we become emotionally bonded to them in a negative way. We then begin to reflect all their negative characteristics because, subconsciously, that is what our energies are focused upon. (This is why it is important to forgive those who hurt us). But the opposite is also true. When we love someone we begin to reflect all their good qualities – because we are focussed on their positive strengths and characteristics.
Well, how does this help us love? The key is to love God – to become friends with him – and let all his good qualities be reproduced in us. How does this happen? Jesus put it this way, “If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him” (John 14:23). When we say, “Yes” to Jesus, he sends his Holy Spirit into our hearts to make himself present to us for all time. “I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counsellor to be with you forever – the Spirit of truth…you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you. I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. (John 14:16-18). We become best friends with God. Then, as we let God’s love into our lives, by trusting him, taking him at his word and obeying him, we will find ourselves beginning to love others as he has loved us. We begin to look like him – the one we love.
This ties in with the story we heard earlier of Jesus being transformed on the mountain top. There, God allowed Jesus’ three friends, Peter James and John, to see a preview of his glory – all his specialness and beauty. The apostle Paul wrote later that as we come to know Jesus, that glory – all his specialness and love – gets rubbed off on us: “And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit” (2 Corinthians 3:18). As his friends, we begin to look like him – the one we love.
How to Love Jesus
So, the final thing we need to know is: how do we love Jesus? In the same way as we would any other friend: we talk to one another; we listen to one another; we do the good things our friend asks us to do; we hang together and with other friends.
- Talk to Jesus: talking to Jesus is very important. How can you be friends with someone you never talk to? Talking to Jesus is called prayer – but it is more than just asking for things and it doesn’t have to be in a special language. You might want to talk over some problem or thank him for something he has done for you. You might want to say sorry for something that you did that hurt him. It is good to do this at a special time each day but it is also good to keep the cell-phone of your heart open throughout the day so you can talk to him anytime. He is with you every minute – so you can chat with him whenever anything comes up – just like with a regular friend.
- Listen to Jesus: a friendship where you did all the talking wouldn’t be a very good friendship so you need to take time to listen to him. He speaks to you in your heart and through circumstances and others but the most important way is through his word, the Bible. The Bible is how God has texted his people down through the ages and every word is helpful for us to understand what he thinks about things, how much he loves us and what’s right and wrong. The Bible is our “Maker’s Instructions” on how to live.
- Do what he says: the third way we love Jesus is by doing what he says. Sometimes we think he tells us what to do in the same way our parents tell us and we just do it because we have to. (Or don’t do it and then we have problems). But doing what Jesus says needs to grow beyond that. When your friend asks you to help him or her, do you do it because you will get into trouble if you don’t? Or do you do it because you love them? Jesus says, “If you love me, you will obey what I command” (John 14:18). When we know Jesus as our special friend, we want to do what he says because we love him – not just because we have to.
- 4. Hang out together: finally, in any good friendship, you hang out together and with other friends. Jesus has a big family and he loves it when we all get together. This is called church – and it happens not just on Sundays at worship but also in youth group and other opportunities to be together to talk about him and do things for him. It’s here that we get to see how we are growing like him in love for one another and as share his love with those in the wider world.
Talk to Jesus, listen to him, do what he says, and hang out together. This is how we grow in our friendship with Jesus. And as you grow in that friendship, you begin to look like him and love like him. This is how we can live the life of love and make a difference in the world.
[1] Zajonc, R.B., Adelmann, P.K., Murphy, S.T., & Niedenthal, P.M. (1987). “Convergence in the physical appearance of spouses.” Motivation and Emotion, 11(4), 335-346, reported on http://www.spring.org.uk/2007/07/facial-similarity-between-couples.php. See also the similar study done in 2006 by Anthony Little et al, at Liverpool university, UK, as reported on http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/11346164
[2] A quotation from Steve Finn, in Andrew Comiskey, Pursuing Sexual Wholeness. (Guide). Lake Mary, FL: Creation House, 1988), pg. 76.
