St. Aidan’s Sermons
Winnipeg, Manitoba
The Rev. Canon Dr. Brett Cane, October 25, 2009
21st Sunday after Pentecost; 8:30 Holy Communion and 10:00 a.m.
Issues Facing Christians Today #6: “Singleness and Celibacy”
1 Corinthians 7:17-40; Mark 10:46-52
Opening Prayer:
Lord Jesus, as you offered physical sight to blind Bartimaeus, so now, by your Holy Spirit, grant us deliverance from spiritual and emotional blindness, that we may see clearly your views on singleness and celibacy that we may all live whole and fulfilled lives to the glory of our Father in Heaven. Amen.
Introduction
If I were to ask you this morning which is better, to be married or to be single, I wonder what the results would be? I suspect the overwhelming response would be the former – from both those who are married and those who would like to be. There would be a smaller number who would vote for the latter – those who aren’t married and feel their lives are fulfilled and those who are married and wish they weren’t! I suspect that the “default position” for most Christians is that heterosexual marriage is the norm and God’s will for the majority and that singleness is exceptional and God’s will for some. For those who find themselves involuntarily unmarried there is sympathy and even pity that they are “missing out.”
It may come as a surprise to you that the Apostle Paul saw things differently – or at least from another perspective. In our series in 1 Corinthians, “Issues Facing Christians Today,” we have come to the last part of chapter 7 and its discussion on the issue of singleness and celibacy. It is here that Paul makes a case for being single as a calling from God. We shall look at his argument under three headings – Paul’s view of sex, our identity in Christ and the benefits of singleness. As I looked at this passage and its complexity, I realized that I would not be able to preach a more general sermon about singleness – I have done that before[1] and will do so again – so if you have come expecting a “how to live as a single Christian” sermon, you will be disappointed. Instead, though, I hope to lead you through Paul’s rich and challenging perspective on singleness and celibacy.
Paul’s View of Sex
Before we can do that, however, we need to look at Paul’s view of sex. Wrong perceptions of this have led many in Christian history down the wrong path. For those of you with traditional translations of 1 Corinthians or who have absorbed our contemporary culture’s impression of Paul as a frustrated old bachelor who was sexually-repressed, you might say, “This is a no-brainer – anyone who says, ‘It is good for a man not to marry” (verse 1) must have had major issues in this department, so let’s bypass this chapter on go on to something positive like chapter 13, ‘Love is patient love is kind, etc.’” Well, someone who wrote about love with such passion and depth in chapter 13 can’t be as repressed as we think and as good Bible-believing Christians we know that you can’t just bypass one section of Scripture because it is uncomfortable – it needs to be wrestled with. However, there is, I suspect, a sneaking suspicion in many of us that Paul didn’t have it quite right about sex.
First, doesn’t Paul say, “It is good for a man not to marry” – the alternate reading sounds even worse, “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman” (verse 1)? Yes, but that is not his opinion – he is quoting from the earlier letter the Church had sent him about how to approach various challenges they were facing – “Now for the matters you wrote about…” As I mentioned two weeks ago, some people in the Corinthian church were advocating a false hyper-spirituality which saw sex as unspiritual. Because of this, certain women were denying conjugal love to their husbands. I referred to the 1970’s play, “No Sex please, We’re British”[2] – and said that in Corinth, they were saying, “No sex, please, we’re Christian!” Paul utterly refutes this attitude as being ungodly. While agreeing that our sexual impulses must be under control, he affirms the holiness and normalcy of sexual relations within marriage:
The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. (verses 3-5)
This would have been revolutionary in the Greek world of that day; William Barclay describes the typical experience of marriage as follows:
The Greek respectable woman was brought up in such a way that companionship and fellowship in marriage was impossible…The Greek expected his wife to run his home, to care for his legitimate children, but he found his pleasure and his companionship elsewhere. Home and family life were near to being extinct and fidelity was completely non-existent. [3]
Paul’s statements about the mutuality of sexual intimacy within marriage were downright countercultural!
”But,” you may say, “the next verse cancels all of that, ‘I say this as a concession, not as a command’ (verse 6)!” Yes, but it is not having sex that Paul is saying is a concession – it is abstaining from sexual relations for a time that is the concession! Remember that the context is that Paul is addressing the hyper-spiritual types who feel it is more godly not to have sex. But what about the next verses, “I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion” (verses 7-9)? Looking at verses 8 and 9 first, Paul is addressing those previously married – widows and widowers. For reasons he will go into later when he speaks to the never-before married, he encourages them not to remarry. But if sexuality is an issue, then they should – there is no shame in that. But there is shame in loosing sexual control. The phrase “burn with passion” (which seems rather negative towards sexual desire) is not in the original; it is simply “burn.” These people were not burning with sexual passion, they were satisfying it – that was the problem! So the phrase should read “burn with shame” at indulging in sexual relations outside of marriage. Again, Paul is countering the hyper-spiritual tendencies which would pressure these couples to abstain from marriage as being ungodly and he encourages them to go ahead and marry. There is nothing wrong with satisfying sexual desire in marriage!
But what about Paul’s statement, “I wish that all of you were as I am” (verse 7)? Paul himself might never have been married (although that was unusual for a Jewish rabbi) or widowed or abandoned by his wife on his becoming a Christian. Paul’s situation was probably one of the latter two as his exhortation to people remaining as he is in the context of speaking to those previously married. The way he phrases his statement does not mean that he merely wants everyone to be celibate but rather that he wants everyone to be free in Christ – to be free both from the hyper-spirituality which denies sexuality as well as free to resist expressing sexual desire if called to remain single by God. He affirms both the married and unmarried state when he says, “But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that” (verse 7). Paul’s view of sex is not repressive and warped but balanced and wholesome. This is important to grasp as we go on to look at Paul’s recommendation of the single life.
Our Identity in Christ
We will pass over verses 10-16 where Paul speaks to the married and questions of desertion and divorce that we looked at last week. After that, though, before going on to address those who are single and never married, he breaks into what seems a curious digression: “Nevertheless, each of you should retain the place in life that the Lord assigned to you and to which God has called you” (verse 17) – and then talks about circumcision and slavery. What is going on here? Paul wants to use these two issues as illustrations of a larger point he is making that will serve as a backdrop to his comments about singleness. He makes his point three times in this section, “Each of you should remain in the situation which you were in when God called you” (verse 20, and 17, 24).
In Galatians 3:28, Paul states a key principle for being part of Christ’s family: “There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, neither male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.”[4] Our primary identity is found in Christ – not our gender, ethnic background or social status. Our present chapter is about how “male and female” are to work out in Christian community and Paul uses the other two pairings, “Jew and gentile” and “slave and free” to illustrate it. The mark of circumcision was a great divide between Jews and non-Jews; slavery was a huge evil which divided people socially. But Paul says here that, in Christ, it doesn’t matter what your religious or ethnic background or social status. The ceremonial laws that defined Judaism have gone – what matters is “Keeping God’s commands” (verse 19). To be freed from slavery is good, but what counts is being “Christ’s slaves” (verse 22).
Paul is reminding the Corinthian Christians that their basic identity lies in who they are in Christ – not in listening to social pressures – even within the Church – to change themselves into something else. “You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of people. Brothers and sisters, all of you, as responsible to God, should remain in the situation in which God called you” (verse 24). Paul is not saying we should automatically remain in abusive or demeaning situations but to measure who we are by God’s standards rather than those of others. In terms of relationships, married people are not to abstain from sex, nor the unmarried to refrain from marriage, nor couples to get divorced – just because certain people think that is the spiritual thing to do. Likewise, don’t be pressured (either by others or by yourself) into getting married just because it is the most socially-accepted thing to do. The basic issue is God’s call of you to belong to him – not your social or relational status – your belonging or not-belonging to someone else. Your identity in Christ is what matters.
The Benefits of Singleness
Paul now proceeds to look at the reasons why not to submit to pressures to get married – the benefits of singleness. “Now about virgins: I have no command from the Lord, but I give a judgment as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy” (verse 25). Paul is speaking here to the never-married – both men and women. He is not giving a command from God but sharing some “sanctified common sense.” Paul has two main reasons for people to remain single – the first is external pressures that make marriage difficult; the second is the freedom to serve God that singleness provides.
1. External pressures. Paul continues, “Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for you to remain as you are….But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this. What I mean, brothers and sisters, is that the time is short. From now on those who have wives should live as if they had none; those who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not; those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep; those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away” (verses 26-31). What is “this present crisis” which is leading to “the world in its present form passing away”? Most people have interpreted this as Paul’s’ expectation for Jesus to return very soon and therefore we should not get entangled in matters of the world such as marriage and the every-day experiences of life. Yes, we should live each day as if Christ were coming back at any moment, and this may indeed be in Paul’s mind, but the reference to “the present crisis” seems much more immediate.
Bishop Tom Wright has a very helpful insight[5] to help us understand what the situation was. Right around the time of Paul’s writing this letter, there was a severe shortage of grain throughout the Greek world. This food shortage was causing much distress – not unlike the present world economic crisis – although then there were no safety nets and government bailouts like we have today. Paul is probably referring to both this immediate crisis and the ultimate crisis of Christ’s second coming – he uses the latter to colour the former. In other words, engaged couples would do well to think about postponing their marriages. The current pressures mean that now would not be the right time to start a family. Building on the previous verses about identity, Paul is saying that ultimately, the present world will give way to the world where Jesus is king and that needs to be the reality on which we base all our decisions. Following or not following some social order or pattern in the way that your family and friends all assumed you would go doesn’t matter. “What will matter is that you were faithful to the Lord in whatever strange circumstances you found yourself.”[6] Faithfulness in the light of external pressures may require abstaining from marriage.
2. Freedom to serve. The second reason why not to marry is the freedom to serve. “I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs – how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world – how he can please his wife – and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world – how she can please her husband” (verses 32-34). I know from personal experience that not having the responsibilities of a wife and family has given me enormous freedom to do things for God I could not otherwise have done. True, I have missed out on some of the blessings of family life but I have had other benefits in their place and been privileged to share in the family lives of others. There are drawbacks and advantages both to being married and to being single. Single people like Jesus and Paul and many others in the early Church and down through Christian history have had the freedom to be used by God in ways they could not have been had they been married. Paul’s overriding principle is that his readers put service for the Lord first and also “be free from concern.” This is good advice for both married and unmarried people.
However, there is no pressure to be single and in the last few verses Paul encourages engaged couples to go ahead and get married if they need to to meet their emotional and sexual needs – getting married is “not sinning” (verse 37). Paul concludes by counselling widows not to be pressured into marriage but if they wish, they are free to do so – as long as the person is a believer (verse 39). Paul says that marriage is good but singleness is better (verse 38) – not because sexual expression is inherently sinful but because it helps people minimize the effects of external pressures and gives them the freedom to serve God in ways they could not do if they were married.
Conclusion
Today, the overwhelming expectation in Churches is for believers to get married and raise a family. Paul thinks otherwise. Does there need to be a shift in how our congregation views singleness? I close with an excerpt from a letter from someone who was responding to his pastor’s request for comments prior to his preaching on the subject:
This is a very interesting topic for me as many of my closest friends are single. My best friend and I talk about this a lot because he desires to find a life partner and wonders why he has not found anybody yet. He also feels at the age that he is that a majority of people look at him as if he is “less responsible” or “more selfish” because of his singleness. As you know, the current church culture promotes marriage, which makes it extremely difficult to be single as Christian (unless you have extremely thick skin and are okay with comments people are making about you at times). My question is: how does the church (our church) counter this view of marriage and make singles know that they are important, gifted, and even needed in the body of Christ? Personally, what can I do to help my friend and others know and feel like they have abilities and responsibilities that married couples don’t or can’t do and help singleness be seen as not a temporary thing but a very valuable and fulfilling thing?[7]
I leave the response up to you.
[1] See “Singleness,” preached at St. Aidan’s, Winnipeg, Oct. 5th, 2004; the test is available from the church office on request.
[2] Written by Alistair Foot and Anthony Marriott
[3] William Barclay, The Daily Study Bible; The Letters to the Galatians and Ephesians, Rev. ed. (Edinburgh: The Saint Andrew Press, 1976) pg. 171.
[4] With thanks to Bishop Tom Wright for the insights in this section. N.T. Wright, Paul for Everyone – I Corinthians. (Louisville, KY: Westminster John Knox Press, 2004), pgs. 85-89.
[5] Ibid., pg. 91.
[6] Ibid., pg. 93.
[7] Excerpted from sermon by D.C. Cramer, found at http://cramercomments.blogspot.com/2009/09/marriage-singleness-and-family-sermon.html
